Sunday, December 31, 2017
Don't make me make resolutions for the Dance Police!
I figured with the new year and all, I should make a few resolutions for 2018.
Since there weren't many shows this past week, I'll go back through some of the archives, okay?
I resolve to come up with better house rules when I play Monopoly.
I resolve to use a carrot for my snowman's nose instead of an orange.
I resolve the clean my room every day.
I resolve to eat more pie.
I resolve to lick fewer toads. Seven a day is about right.
I resolve to watch less TV... except for binge-watching cool stuff like Magicians and Twilight Zone.
I resolve to stop drawing chalk outlines around people if they fall asleep in the street.
I resolve to be kind to animals. Except for evil wolves. I'll stab them a lot.
I resolve to stop summoning so many demons. I only need 3 for the ritual sacrifice.
I resolve to get a decent applause gesture instead of that stupid simple claps gesture I use. With the huge APPLAUSE sign over me that blocks everyone's view.
I resolve to put women high up on a pedestal... and not just to upskirt them.
I resolve to see my primary health care provider for a full physical instead of his witch doctor. She's out of network and a lot more expensive.
Oh. Right. Clean the litterbox more often, too. I resolve to do that too.
I resolve to bring an umbrella in my work bag instead of using coworkers to block the rain.
Those painkillers are for pain, not for fun. I resolve to use them wisely... or if I'm in need of some really trippy shit.
I resolve to eat more chicken.
I resolve to drink less water before I go to bed.
I resolve to get fresh batteries for the television remote and to stop swiping them from the smoke alarm.
I resolve to tip the mailman more for the holidays.
I resolve to be less of a jerk about grammar, even if that 1 should be a 0.
I resolve to stop saying... oh, screw it. Psssst. Web. (piano)
I resolve to take all of the recycling to the recycling center and not to build giant robot gods in the backyard.
I... um... what the hell was this?
Okay, I give up... no more resolutions!
Thank you, and stay tuned next Sunday for the next thrilling episode.
"Hey. It's Cave. Someone's not daaaancing. Come on. You know the law - testing IS NOT a dance exemption. Don't make me call the dance police"
- Cave Johnson, Portal 2 Perpetual Testing Initiative Expansion Pack.
Oh oh oh... shameless plug. I've built a new in-world gallery of slideshows of lots of dance groups.
You can find it at http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Edloe/204/206/21
I'll be tweaking and adjusting it over the next few days... totally needs more catwalks and stairs.